Daddys Girl?

Yer, i meant to put a question mark after that....i am a daddy's girl at heart always have been, but i am completely different with my dad to the way i was in June 2006.

Anyone that knows me, knows that 2005/2006 wasn't an amazing time for me, bullied at school badly, broken arm to the point i nearly lost my hand and now have a permanent numb patch on my hand, aunty dying after a long fight against diabetes,kidney failure, and eventually cancer. And then to add to the sting July came and things where starting to look OK again me and my best friend at the time decided to buy a tent (cos we was just that wild) and would be camping out on fields near our houses or just our back gardens haha, anyways this 1 weekend it was a Saturday afternoon, just off the phone to Becky, we decided to camp out in her garden that weekend, and i was all excited been the little kid i was haha.
Anyways i was getting my stuff ready to go meet Becky we was off to shop to get a load of drinks and sweets then to hers t drop my stuff off then for a takeaway, so of course i was rushing about because i had to meet her in 10 minutes and back then i was so unorganised it took me ages to find anything and i had the bloody tent! My dad started hassling me to be more tidy and to stop acting like a stroppy teenager because he criticized me (i was 14 at the time so what else am i gonna act like?) that all turned into an argument about how he does my head in and that why can't he just leave me alone or help.
Either way the argument went on for 10 minutes and he was screaming at me for all sorts i just yelled back in my juvenile stupidity 'i hate you' god knows why cos i didn't mean it, i just like having the last word in arguments and that was what popped out :(

He didn't say anything to me he just turned away went outside and got on his bike (a push bike) and shouted to my mam ill be back in a hour. My mam tended not to get involved when me and my dad argued because of how close me and him was we was bound to clash at some point. So yer i grabbed my stuff found the tent and ran to meet Becky, she was a bit pissed off i was late but when i explained she said oh you will see him tomorrow and it life will be back to normal, i wish to this day still that she was right.

I had a good night at Becky's we was the type of friends that giggled at the silliest of things for hours on end and only us 2 actually got it! But 11 came and all of a sudden Becky's mam was telling us to start tidying up usually because i wasn't gonna be leaving Becky's house till alot later, she wouldn't be bothered so we found it really weird, but we did as we was told. Dinner time came me and Becky and completely cleared up, we was both washed and dressed and fed, and all of a sudden my brother turned up to pick me up =/ now me and my brother do not get along at all, we can start a fight in an empty room, we just don't mesh, so for him to pick me up from my friends and unexpected and to walk me all the way home, was beyond weird.
Me again been a little slow didn't think anything was wrong at all, we was due to go on holiday to benidorm in 3 weeks time so i thought i was needed home to go clothes shopping, and I'm muttering on all the way home, saying what I'm gonna get and what does the brother want, he just mumbled answers to me, to me that WAS normal lol.

When i got home the house was quiet now when your the youngest of 4 and the only girl, a quiet house isn't always easy to come by, but again thought nothing of it, i ran upstairs chucked my stuff in my room and quickly got changed again into something more summery. Walking back down the stairs i heard mumbles then a quick 'shut up she's coming' i thought oh god I'm gunna get a lecture about how not to be a teenager. Opening the door to the dining room i expected to see my dad glaring at me, instead my mam is sat at 1 end of the table white as a ghost, my oldest brother sat at the computer desk swivelling round on the chair my middle brother sat on the floor looking out the window and my youngest brother (the one who walked me home) stood against the kitchen door, then my aunty sat at the table next to my mam? Now my aunty and my mam are close and i do spend a lot of time at her house and like wise for her family, but for them all to be sat there in 1 room so quiet and her to be there when she should of been working, it just didn't fit obviously.

I walked to the window to look in the garden for my dad cos that is usually where he is, he finds himself quite the Alan titchmarsh to be quite honest lol. But yer when i couldn't see him and the garage was locked up, i asked the question, where's dad then? And turned and looked at my mam, she didn't even look like she heard me, my aunty told me to sit down, when i didn't she just looked at me and said 'jess there has been a bit of trouble while you was sleeping out, your dads in hospital, and he's in and out of conciousness', i gave her a blank stare, and as she was about to start telling me more, i just burst into tears, my body went weak and i collapsed on the floor in my aunty's arms telling her to tell me it was just a lie, a dream, anything but reality, but she couldn't, even saying it now chokes me.

I sat there been hugged by my aunty and my mam for a hour, we didn't have strength to move, my brothers didn't know what to do with themselves, should they show their emotion or be strong, of course they chose to keep it hidden for my sake more then my own mothers, just because i was the baby and needed them to keep me up.  My mam still thanks them to this day for been that way! It came to about 2 and my aunty and my mam and oldest brother decided to get shopping to get my dad some stuff to have at the hospital with him, my mam wanted all new things. My aunty turned to me before they left and said you go get a nice long bath and when we get back we will go see him. I don't like hospitals, i don't think anyone does, i am use to them but i dont' like them, my fear today though was what if he dies in front of me, what if he dies before i get to tell him i love him, i never have, never will hate him, it was just words, but my youngest brother just looked at me and said, dad will want you there to know your OK, and as much as i don't like to agree with Adam he hit the nail on the head there!

I got a long bath, i got dressed, and i sat there in the living room staring at the telly, not watching it staring at it, people text me i just ignored them Becky text me and rang me a few times i just didn't wanna talk to anyone. When they all got back i was straight up and wanted to see my dad, so they packed the stuff they bought for my dad in a bag and we got in my auntys car and went, now Dan and tom (the oldest 2) decided me and Adam should get to see him tonight, it would comfort us more, when we got to the hospital, we was told that we couldn't go in just yet as my dad had to many visitors already! WHAT!?!?!?! Who has gone to see my dad before his own fucking kids, now i sound like a spoiled cow in this bit but i don't care in my mind the 1st people to see my dad should of been my mam, me and my brothers, but my dads brothers been the nosey twats went without letting anyone know or without any consideration, even my dads own mother said she will wait till me and my brothers saw my dad, but no my uncles wanted to be nosey ( they don't bother with my dad or us lot unless they want something or unless they want some drama), they took up nearly the full hour of visiting, knowing me and Adam are sat there in the waiting room shitting it, the head nurse felt so sorry for use she let us stay an extra half hour.

When i walked into my dads little bit of the ward he was on, i still remember every wire and tube going in and out of him, every cut and bruise, and every beep of all the machines. I stood at the end of his bed and just gazed at him, Adam sat straight next to him my mam stood at the door with my aunty, and my dad opened his eyes looked around said hiya to Adam then looked at me and just said 'whats wrong princess?' he was laid in a hospital bed really ill and he is asking me what is wrong seriously dad get your logic right lol. I couldn't speak i just moved round the bed held his hand and cried, he was telling me that he is OK he can't remember any of it and he will be home soon. He was still in hospital, he was still seriously injured, he was still my dad in hospital asking me if i was OK??!?!?!?.
Turned out my dad had been hit by a taxi, hit him from behind, and with such a force it flung my dad 40ft in the air and 60 ft in the other direction, his bike went under the taxi, now anyone that knows emmerdale round about in hull will know it can get busy, well that's where my dad got hit, the taxi driver been a pig of the road drove very wrongly and hit my dad! (this has all been proved by police and eye witnesses) he doesn't even remember the day of the accident nothing, still doesn't to this day. Now my dad was lucky in a matter of speaking he survived and he survived the after shock of a fractured skull. A lot of things have changed for him, his sense of smell is completely gone, his taste buds ain't that good, his memory is terrible, he has mood swings mainly with me and my mam that we have both drifted from him in many ways, he tends to lose his temper at the click of his fingers, which anyone knew my dad before the accident knew he was so laid back he was horizontal.

So yer il always be a daddy's girl, I'm his only daughter, and nearly losing him makes me appreciate him more, just at a price of having to keep a distance and not get to close in fear of constantly arguing and falling out with him to the point where i move out again and again. He still loves me and cares for me obviously but, there is just a gap in our relationship and maybe always will be but at the end of the day i still have him, which makes me the luckiest person in the world in my eyes ♥